Répliques VO Saison 2

Ryan [to one of the model]: It was nice to meet you. [to Beckett who just came in the room] We should have photo shoots here more often.
Esposito: Hey Beckett, how come you don't wear a uniform like that ?
Beckett: Because I don't want to get paid in singles.

Castle: Yes well I tried that and it didn't work...Hey I could buy you a pony.
Beckett: Focus, Castle. Crime scene okay ?

Ryan: Guy in a tree. Mom and Dad bickering. Seems like old times

Lanie: I got tree branches poking my boobs and spotlights shining up my body
Esposito: Could be worse ..You could be wearing a skirt.
Lanie: When I come down, Imma smack you.

Castle: Fine. But I was serious about the pony. [to Amy] Come on I'll show you the, uh, morgue..mobile

Lanie [speaking about Castle]: He'll live
Ryan: What , no brain damage ?
Lanie: If he has some, it happened way before tonight and it was probably self-inflicted.

Ryan [gives Esposito some cash]: I didn't think she'd take him back.

Castle: It is more than a start..It is an opportunity. She may have built a wall between us but I am going to build a door in that door..or put up a ladder or dig a hole.

Martha: You have a strategy ?
Castle: Be my usual charming self.
Martha: Uh uh. What about plan B ?
Alexis: So was it awful ? Were you scared ?
Castle: Me ? Scared ? No way ! Come on..Now excuse me while I change my shorts.

Castle [At the morgue. Lanie is working on the glove. Castle appears in front of her]: You want me to put on some music ? Whenever they do this sort of thing on "CSI" They always do it to music in poorly lit rooms. Kinda reminds me of porn.
[Beckett appears beside Lanie]
Beckett: Zip it, Castle.

Esposito : You got it. [They leave, Castle don’t know where to go]
Beckett : Castle.

Beckett : Anybody else have a bad feeling about this? [Esposito & Ryan raise their hand]
Esposito : Yeah.
Beckett : Yeah, that's what I thought.

Ryan : You think he has any idea he's recapping a conversation that we just heard in its entirety?
Esposito : Give the guy a gadget, he thinks he's Bond.
Ryan : Let's just hope he remember he's wearing a camera before he goes and takes a leak.

Castle : Speaking of happy endings, thanks for saving my life.
Beckett : I was just trying to avoid paperwork.

Castle : Ah. We make a pretty good team, you know? Like Starsky and Hutch, Tango and Cash, Turner and Hooch.
Beckett : You know, now that you mention it, you do remind me a little of Hooch.

Castle: You know, if this was one of those super science-y forensic shows, we'd stick some electrodes in these fishes' brains. Get a fish-eye view of whatever they saw.

Beckett: Dr Parish, when did they change the dress code downtown?
Lanie: Well, unlike you, I don't sit around work all night waiting for the next vic to show. [To Castle] Quit looking at the girls, Castle.
Castle: Roger that.

Ryan: So much for my famous warm honey milk with Jenny tonight... Did I say that out loud ?Yeah.
[…]
Esposito: Hey, uh, a warm milk nightcap with your lady ? That is sad, bro.

Ryan: How you doing, Dr Perlmutter?
Perlmutter: Shh. The body is speaking.
Esposito: What's it saying?
Perlmutter: It's saying, “someone shot me.”

Perlmutter:  Gave his info to officer 'Whojamiface' over there.
Esposito: Whojamiface ?
Ryan: Nice to see you making an effort to bond with the rank and file, Perlmutter.

Castle: Okay. Well, if you guys want any help, you know where to find me.
Ryan: “Help” ? Did you just say “help” ?
Esposito: Don't worry about us, Castle. We'll probably close ours before your therapist.
Castle: Really ? Well, perhaps you'd like to make things interesting.
Ryan: Whoa. Wait. Are you saying you want to wager on who solves their case first?
Esposito: That's sick, bro... 50 bucks?
[…]
Esposito: Not a word to Beckett, okay ? She finds out about this, she'll shoot us.
Castle: Secrets, murder and gambling. Three of my favorite pastimes.

Castle: Be home by midnight.
Alexis: Dad, I'll be home by 9:00.

[Beckett takes her stuff and her and Castle goes into the elevator. Ryan and Esposito are also heading to the elevator. Castle sees them and pushes the elevator's button. The elevator's door start to close]
Esposito: What are you doing ?
Ryan: Hey. Hey, hey ! Hey ! Hey ! Castle, not cool. Stairs.
Beckett: Why'd you do that ?
Castle: Do what ?

Karpowski: Esposito tipped me off to the bet. Thought I'd toss a little towards ours.
Castle: Toss away, my friend. And spread the word around if anyone else wants a taste.

Esposito: No, no, no, no, no, no, Not money. Humiliation. Loser wears a dress to the precinct for a week.
Ryan: Why stop there ? Loser also shaves his head. Or are you chicken ?
Castle: You're on, honey milk.
Esposito: Honey milk.
Ryan: Damn it.

Beckett: Son of a…[She goes in the break room.The detectives start to leave] Nobody move ! [To Castle] What is this ?
Castle: Girl scout cookie orders.
Beckett: Betting on murder cases, guys ? Really ?
Ryan: Whoa. What?
Esposito: Whoa ! That would be wrong.
Castle: I'm telling you,it's girl scout cookies or...
Beckett [to Castle] : Girl scout cookies are sold in February. [to Ryan and Esposito]You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. Now get back to work.
[…]
Beckett: $100 on us.

Ryan: And I believe that that, my friends, is the definition of an airtight alibi.
Esposito: Castle, what size dressdo you wear ? 6 ? 8 ? 16 ?

Beckett: Are we really rooting against solving a murder?
Castle: Well, I don't want to shave my head. Do you?
Beckett: Why would I shave my head?
Castle: You're in on the bet, aren't you?
Beckett: Yeah, but I didn't realize... [Castle imitates the noise of a shaver. Beckett's phone rings.]

Ryan: So… Bet's back on?
Beckett: You bet your britches, the bet is back on.

Esposito: Well, that's neither here nor there, because we won the bet. [Ryan and Esposito shake hands]
Castle: How's that ?
Esposito: Our guy broke.
Beckett: Yeah, because we broke him.
Ryan: Uh, so what ? It's like soccer. You score in our goal, it's still our point.
Beckett: Soccer, really? You're going with that one?
Esposito: Works for me.
Castle: Well, then how about baseball ? Cause this team just knocked it out of the park.
Ryan: Yeah, but our team was supposed to be up at bat.
Beckett: Again with that one?
Castle: Your team never made it to the field because they were too scared to get off the bus.
Esposito: Uh, Castle, our team drove the bus.
Castle: Yeah, Well, then how about Nascar ? As our car flew to the checkered line, you guys crashed and burned.
Beckett: Under a beautiful full moon.

Alexis : You mean you'd leave us?
Martha : Well, only for nine months of the year. Oh, don't look so sad. [to Castle, who smiles] And you don't look so happy.

 [After a long story from Castle] Beckett : Can you tell me who killed her? [Castle does « no » with his head] Then pipe down.

Castle : Oh, my credit card and I are painfully aware of Teddy's designs. I almost asked for custody of them after my last divorce.

Ryan : Letters were mailed from the Soho post office. No return address, no signature.
Esposito : Hmm. So the anonymous stalker didn't write down his name and number?

Alexis : That's the one. She did the whole ugly duckling to swan thing, shortened her name and became a model. That's so funny that you ran into her. The world is really small.
Castle : Yeah, small and cruel.

Castle : Then why are you upset?
Beckett : I'm not upset.
Castle : You look upset.
Beckett : Well, I'm not.
Castle : But if you were upset, you would tell me, right?
Beckett : I'm not.
Castle : But if you were…
Beckett : It doesn't matter because I'm not upset.

Esposito : Come on, Castle. Take pity on your model-deprived brothers. Give us the stats. Was she the sexy, curvy lingerie type that you could just…
Ryan : …or the…the toned and tanned bikini-wearing type?
Beckett : She's more like the "I'm totally psyched I just got my driver's license" type.

Esposito [to Ryan quietly] : Did you know what a comp card is? [Ryan nods not] Yeah, me neither.

Beckett : Rina used to babysit Alexis, fellas. So as far as big Rick here is concerned, she might as well be wearing a chastity belt.
Castle : Thank you for that visual image. Thanks. And also, thank you for calling me "big Rick."

Ryan : Hmm. Naked photos.
Beckett : Castle, check this out.
Castle : Look at naked pictures? If you insist.

Monroe : [Castle looks under furniture] Hey. What are you doing?

Castle : And unemployed divas who live in glass houses rent free should not throw stones.
Martha : Point taken.

Castle : What's the good word?
Beckett : Sunshine Electronics.
Castle : That's two words.

Beckett : He won't. Look, let me handle this. You can go in if you want, but don't speak.
Castle : I just…
Beckett : …Don't speak.

Beckett : So what would Nikki Heat do after a bad day?
Castle : She'd go home, pour a stiff drink, run a hot bath, read a good book.
Beckett : Too bad I don't have a good book to read.

Beckett : I am the inspiration. I should be reading it before a reporter does.
Castle : Why didn't you just say so?
Beckett : Why didn't you just give it to me?
Castle : Why didn't you ask?
Beckett : Why didn't it occur to you?

[Beckett switches on her computer, and a photo of her striking young person appears in bottom of screen]
Esposito [Beside Ryan, with a smile] : Looking good, Detective Beckett.
Beckett : How did you guys?
Ryan : We're Detectives.
Esposito : Called your Dad.
Beckett : Okay. Okay. You guys have had your fun. I was 17, and I thought that... [whispers] modeling [normal voice] would be an easier way to make money than waitressing.
Esposito : Right.
Beckett : It was one summer. No big deal. And if you guys tell Castle about this, I will kill you.

Martha : Oh, my son... The big softie, and don't worry. I know you have an image to protect. Your secret's safe with me.

Castle : What happened to Olga?
Alexis : She retired.
Castle : So you went male model?
Alexis : Dylan goes to Juilliard. He's a musical prodigy. I was lucky to get a lesson with him.
Castle : Prodigies are supposed to be all nerdy and awkward. Not that.

Castle :  Where's the body?
Ryan : You didn't tell him?
Castle : Tell me what?
Beckett : And ruin the surprise?

Lanie : From the height of the bullet hole in the tent, I'd say our shooter was anywhere between 5'3" and six feet. 
Castle : I guess that rules out the first-graders.
Ryan : Unless one was standing on another one's shoulders.
Esposito : Hiding inside of a trench coat, maybe.
Castle : Diabolical, I like it. 

Beckett : What book? Oh! Your book. Heat Wave.
Castle : Well?
Beckett : I haven't gotten to it yet.
Castle : What do you mean you haven't gotten to it yet?
Beckett : I'm sorry. I've just been so busy with work, I haven't had time.
Castle : You were all over me to get a copy of that book. Do you have any idea how many hoops I had to jump through, just so my editor wouldn't send an armed guard to watch over you while you read it? The least you could do is to...

[Ryan and Esposito enter. Esposito carries some boxes and rolled up maps.]
Castle : How come you have to carry everything?
Esposito : Ryan hurt his back. [Ryan winks at Castle, then fakes a groan.] 

Patty Schultz : Have you ever been duped?
Castle : I've been married twice.

Castle : Oh, you have a date, don't you?
Beckett : No.
Castle : You liar. Who's the unlucky guy?
Beckett : Ha-ha. Yeah, right. See you guys in the morning.
[…]
Esposito : Why do you care anyway, Castle? Do you have some unresolved feelings?
Castle : For Beckett? The woman hates con movies.

Castle : Okay, I don't think we should take any more lessons from this guy until he's been properly vetted. I want a credit check, school reports, maybe even a polygraph.
Alexis : Okay, you're officially out of control.
Castle : No! I'm not. And back me up here.
Martha : You want her violin teacher to take a lie detector test? You're off the reservation, kiddo.
Castle : Okay, you know what? You're cut off.

Castle : Hey! (to Martha) What's going on with her?
Martha : Besides your unreasonableness? Hormones. What's your excuse?

Beckett : Okay, Castle. What was so important that you had to cut my sparring session short?
Castle : Just that I cracked this case wide open. You know, the thought of you fighting in a ring with another woman...strangely arousing.
Beckett : Who says I was sparring with a woman?
Castle : Oh, your mystery date.
Beckett : Oh, do I detect some jealousy?
Castle : Me, jealous? Ha! Double ha.
Beckett : [Beckett leans in close.] What if I told you that my date was with your book?
Castle : Really?
Beckett : No. God, you're easy. Give me your case-breaking information so I can get a cup of coffee.

Beckett : That is...
Castle : Inspired?
Beckett : No.
Castle : Brilliant?
Beckett : Mm-mmm .
Castle : Genius?
Beckett : Uh-uh.
Castle : What?

Beckett : Shut the front door!
Castle : No time for dirty talk, go get changed.

Castle : My guy in the CIA.
Beckett : You have a guy in the CIA?
Castle : When are you going to learn? I've got a guy everywhere. (on cell) Thai food is pleasing to the tongue. (hangs up) It's secret code. He'll call me back.

Agent Gray : I read it. I thought it was terrific. Especially that sex scene. Talk about racy.
Beckett : Wait. There's a sex scene in the book? Between us?
Castle : There's a sex scene in the book between Nikki Heat and the roguishly handsome reporter who's helping her.
Beckett : Oh, good. So he's nothing like you.
Castle : Funny.

Beckett : I hate this case.
Castle : I know. Isn't it great?

Bank Manager : Absolutely. It's my job to protect our clients. [Beckett runs her finger across her nose à la The Sting. The bank manager gestures back and Beckett giggles.]
Castle : Whoa, whoa, hang on a second. I thought you said you hated con movies.
Beckett : Oh, Castle, you are such an easy mark, aren't you?

[Castle walks off. Beckett looks down at her bag, with the Heat Wave manuscript inside. She grabs the bag and takes it to the Ladies' room. She goes into a stall. Sits down, pulls her feet up, and takes out the book, flipping through it.]
Castle : Aha! [Castle pops his head over the next stall and Beckett shouts in surprise.]
Beckett : (whisper) Castle, what are you doing here?
Castle : I knew you were reading it.
Beckett : I...wa...
Castle : It's on page 105, by the way.
Beckett : Wh… what?
Castle : That sex scene you're looking for. And Agent Gray was right. It's steamy.
Beckett : I wasn't...
Castle : See you tomorrow. [Castle leaves whistling. Beckett sits in the stall, jaw still dropped. After a moment, she smiles and flips to page 105. Her jaw drops.]

Alexis : Aren't you worried about Dylan's intentions towards Gram?
Castle : I'm hoping they involve running away together, but I'm not that lucky. [Castle and Alexis cringe at the dissonance] Speaking of running away, how about we have dinner out?

Castle : I'm still asleep, aren't I? I'm dreaming. I'm having a dream where my book agent has shown up at my house at 7 a.m. to not tell me something.
[…]
Castle : You want some coffee? I'd love to sit down and not discuss this further.

Ryan : Ahh. Good morning.
Esposito : Look who decided to grace us with his presence.
Beckett : Did you have something more important to do, Castle?
[…]
Ryan : Yeah. Body was found down that manhole over there, half eaten.
Castle : Eaten?
Ryan : Yeah, it was covered in some kind of green slime.
Castle : Whoa.
Esposito : Yeah. It was creepy. It's as if someone, or something, is down there.
Castle : Ah. That's... Okay, very funny. That's great. [To Beckett] Was there a body down the manhole?
Beckett : Yeah.
Castle : Okay. Thanks you. An adult.
Beckett : Yeah, you should've seen what else was down there. Two metal canisters with biohazard stickers and yellow powder inside of it.
Castle : You opened the... [Beckett smiles.] Alright... Will someone please tell me what's really going on here?

Castle : I almost ordered a Russian bride once. You know, a Czech mate? [Beckett rolls her eyes and grabs the evidence bag from Castle.]

Castle : Hey, Perlmutter, I'm having a book launch party Monday night, you wanna come?
Perlmutter : [Perlmutter holds up his hand as he walks off.] Please.
Castle : I'll put you down as a maybe.

Montgomery : What is he doing? 
Beckett : We hit about a dozen little shops trying to find that candy wrapper, and he insisted on buying something in every shop
Montgomery :  (chuckles)In every shop?
Beckett : No wrapper, though.
Montgomery : Well, something tells me if he decides to put the great candy wrapper hunt in his next book, he'll give it a happier ending.

Castle : [Castle tries a sucker from one of the stores.] Mmm. Kind of tastes like soap. I like it.

Castle : Want a lollipop?
Alexis : Oh, yes.
Castle : Tastes like soap.
Alexis : I'll pass.
Castle : Suit yourself.

Castle :  So, Taylor likes my stuff, huh?
Alexis : Not that I know of.
Castle : Then...
Martha :  (laughs) Oh, you are so dense. She wants to get dressed up, go to a party, meet boys. She doesn't care about your little book.
Alexis : Thanks, Dad.
Castle : Oh.

Martha : You really are something, you know? You always think everything's about you. Here.
Castle : What are these?
Martha : Oh, they're flyers for my play. I thought you could hand them out when you're signing books at the party tomorrow.
Castle : Uh, gee, I was thinking, actually, that I might keep the evening about me.
Martha : See if I plug your book when I'm doing PR.
Castle : Will my career survive?

Beckett : Next thing you're gonna do is tell me that I should go down there with the photograph.
Castle : Wouldn't be a horrible idea.
Beckett : [Beckett's cell phone rings.] Oh, look. Esposito's calling. Wonder what he and Ryan have been doing all morning. (on cell) Hello? No, it's just Castle.

Beckett : Can I ask you a question, Castle?
Castle : I already know what you're going to ask. The dress code for the party is evening cocktail. If you're stumped, just ask yourself, what would Nikki Heat wear?

Ryan : You sure we talked to 4-E last time?
Esposito : What, the robe lady? Yeah, she, uh, didn't know our vic, but wanted us to help her with the ghost in her apartment.

Beckett : Alright, we're out of here. You're coming with us to the precinct.
Castle : You meet a nice class of people in a lineup. You'll be surprised.

Castle : Guys, I got two words to tide you over in the meantime, "open bar."

Esposito :  [Ryan and Esposito hang out at the bar drinking beer and watching hotties stride past.] So this is how the other half lives. [Castle signs book and women's chests.]

Paula : And she gets a whole book? She must be a pretty special girl. Let me ask you something, when she calls you, do you call her back?
Castle :Yeah.
Paula : Of course you do. Because she's important to you and because it's polite.
Castle : Paula, I call you back.
Paula : Three-book deal, and I can't even get you on the phone to let you know you've got an official offer?

Castle : Actually, I just left my sunglasses here yesterday.
Beckett : Oh, please, that is the lamest excuse I have ever... [Castle picks his sunglasses up off her desk.]

Castle :  (on cell) Would I be interested in doing three more Nikki Heats?
Beckett :  (on cell) Yes, I am aware that the mayor is facing a tough reelection this year.
Castle :  (on cell) I'm… I'm sorry. How much?
Beckett :  (on cell) No, I… I would love to help the department out in whatever way I could.
Castle :  (on cell) No, no. Forget the other offer. For that kind of money I'll do a dozen Nikki Heats.
Beckett :  (on cell) He wants me to what?
Castle :  (on cell) Oh, well that was kind of a one-time-only situation with her and me.
Beckett :  (on cell) Three books? That would take forever.
Castle :  (on cell) You already spoke to the mayor?
Beckett : I'm gonna kill you. (on cell) No, no, no, no, sir, I wasn't talking to you. I, uh...
Castle : Okay.
Beckett :  No need to thank me, sir, I am happy to help His Honor out in any way I can. [Beckett hangs up.]
Castle :  Uh-huh. Y… you know what? I think... I'm gonna... O…okay, Paula, I'm gonna... I'll call you. I'll call you back. (hangs up) I had nothing to do with that phone call.
Beckett : [Beckett's cell rings.] What?! (listens) Okay. I'll be right there. [She hangs up and walks off.]
Castle :  Where are you going?
Beckett : That was Esposito, there's been a murder. [She stops and smirks, then turns around stone-faced.] Are you coming or what? [Castle jogs up to her and they walk out together.]
Beckett : Do you really expect me to believe you had nothing to do with that phone call?
Castle : I swear. I had nothing to do with it.
Beckett : Swear a little harder, Castle.
Castle : I really swear.

Castle : Hey. I was... I was just trying on my Halloween costume.
Alexis : What exactly are you supposed to be?
Castle : Space cowboy.
Alexis : Okay. A, there are no cows in space. B, didn't you wear that, like, five years ago?

Alexis : Well, dressing up. I'll still hand out candy at the door, but I'm too old to go trick-or-treating anymore. You know how we feel when the big kids come. I don't wanna be that kid.
Castle : But you have to go with me. You are my candy beard.
Alexis : Sorry, Dad, you're just gonna have to get another beard.
Castle : This discussion is not over. So, have you come up with a name for you parenting project baby egg yet? Wait! Let me guess. Zac Eggfron? No, Egg Begley Junior?
Alexis : I went Dickensian. Paige and I are calling him Feggin. Get it?
Castle : Feggin?
Alexis : Fake baby egg.
Castle : Wouldn't that be "Fa-keg"? [Castle's cell rings] Beckett, what are you doing up so late?

Castle : Looks like Buffy's visiting the Big Apple.

Beckett : Who would go to the trouble of killing someone that way?
Castle : Lycans. They've been at war with the vampires ever since Lucian was murdered in the 15th centu... Again, this is just theory.

Castle : Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Lanie : What is wrong?
Castle : If he's a vampire and you pull that out, he come back to life.
Lanie : If he does, then we can all go home early. [Lanie pulls out the stake and Castle and Beckett cringe.]

Castle : Oh, trust me. I can't believe you've never heard of this place. I get all my costumes here. (gasps) We can use this opportunity to find you one for my Halloween party. How about slutty nurse?
Beckett : Fantasize all you want, Castle. I am not trying on costumes for you.

Beckett : Castle, what are you doing?
Castle : [Castle turns around with plastic pop-in fangs.] Do these make me look immortal? Do you want to, uh, go get something pierced?
Beckett : No. Do you? [She looks down.]
Castle : Uh, wow.

Beckett : Which Frank? Epic Comic or Dark Horse years?
Castle : Oh, my God. That is the sexiest thing I ever heard you say. I had no idea you were interested in comic books.
Beckett : Oh, Castle, the things you don't know about me could fill a book.

Ryan : Yeah, a vampire coven is like joining a church or a club. "You like to play golf? I like to play golf. You like to drink blood? I like to drink blood." What? I used to go out with a girl who was into the lifestyle.
Esposito : What happened? Did the relationship suck?
Castle : Oh!
Ryan : Deal breaker, she wanted to have sex in a coffin. I'm open-minded, I'm not that open-minded.

Esposito : What's your shadow doing?
Beckett : I don't know. Last time I saw him, he was sifting through evidence from Crow's apartment.
Esposito : So, are you going?
Beckett : To what?
Esposito : His Halloween party.
Beckett : I don't know. Throws a lot of parties. You?
Esposito : Are you kidding? I'm all over that.
Beckett : What are you gonna wear?
Esposito : You wanna know, you gotta show to see what I got going on. [Beckett rolls her eyes. Then goes to sit on the desk in the conference room, shoving Castle's feet off.]

Castle : You smell like cherries.[Beckett turns her head to look at him and finds that they're very close. Ryan and Esposito enter. Beckett stands up quickly.]
Ryan : Hey, we got a hit on the...
Esposito : Are we interrupting something?
Castle : Yes.
Beckett : No.

[Castle stands in position to open the coffin.]
Beckett : I'll cover you.
Castle : Together?
Beckett : Alright. On three.
Castle : Okay. 
Beckett and Castle : One. Two. Three. [They open it, but there's only dirt inside.]
Ryan : You see him jump?
Esposito : Real macho, Castle.

Castle : Exactly how contagious is it?
Lanie : It's a genetic disease. Besides, I put enough antibiotics on that bit to kill a small animal. Now, if we're done here, I got to head back to the slab and see a man about a corpse.
Beckett : Thank you, Dr. Parish. Castle was totally freaked out.
Castle : You want to bite me, you buy me dinner.

Martha : (to Alexis) Have you asked him yet?
Alexis : I was waiting for the right moment.
Martha : Oh.
Castle : Ask me what?
Alexis : Paige and I got invited to a party tomorrow, the night before Halloween, by seniors.
Castle : By your grandmother's friends?
Alexis : No, Dad, 12th graders. But it'll be supervised.
Castle : This is one of those crossroads moments, isn't it?
Martha : Oh, let her go. She's far more responsible than you ever were.

Castle : Yeah, okay, sure, I'll watch your little egg child. But I want you to know I'm far too young to be a grandparent. And if, uh, any of those senior boys bother you, Father won't be quite himself. [Castle turns on the carving drill and cackles. Then coughs.]

Castle : Dr. Holloway. Say hello to the nice psychiatrist, Feggin. Hello. [Castle places Feggin on Beckett's shoulder.]
Dr Holloway : I will arrange for someone from Social Services to come get Mr. Lockerby. And if you want, I can have someone get him, too.
Beckett :  [mouths] Yes, please.

Beckett : Will for a little while. And then one day she'll wake up and it'll just be a part of her life. Who knows, maybe she'll become a writer.
Castle : Or a cop. [They smile and sit at Beckett's desk.]

Beckett : What happened to him?
Castle : They never found out.
Beckett : I'm so sorry, Castle. [He smirks at her.]
Beckett : You made that up?
Castle :  [laughs] It's what I do!
Beckett : You know what? You are so getting it for that one.
Castle : The party is at nine o'clock. I cannot wait to see what you're wearing.

Beckett : Hey, Poe, looking for me? [Beckett walks in wearing her long, black trench coat as usual. The precinct gang gathers around.]
Castle : You're you.
Beckett : You sound so disappointed, Castle.
Castle : I said costumes are mandatory. I mean, dress up. You know? Be a little scary.
Beckett : Yeah, well, I was going for sexy. [She puts her hand in her trench coat belt and Castle looks her over eagerly. She pulls the coat open and an alien worm pops out. They all jump.]
Beckett : Now we're even.
Castle : [Castle holds out his stuffed crow.] I'm giving you the bird. [Lanie cackles.]

Montgomery : It's about time you got back. We've got a very persistent citizen waiting to ask you some questions. [Alexis steps out of Montgomery's office.]

Castle : Okay! You know... You know what, I think it's time we reset the parental controls on your computer.
Alexis : Please. I had to set the parental control on your computer, remember?
Castle : Speaking of which...
Alexis : No!

Castle : Yes, but if I let you out of class every time you were helpful, you'd never go.
Alexis : But I won't be able to focus on school today. I just can't concentrate.
Castle : Which will make you just like all the other kids in your class.

Beckett : Nothing. It's just, I'm so used to you acting like a 12-year-old all the time, it's kind of refreshing to see you as a father.
Castle : Makes you want me, right?
Beckett : And there's the 12-year-old again.

Beckett : Everybody looks like a killer to me, Castle. Job requirement.
Castle : Do I look like a killer to you?
Beckett : Yes. You kill my patience.

Beckett : [Beckett's cell rings.] (on cell) Beckett. Okay. (hangs up) Hayley's sister is on her way to the morgue to identify the body. Don't leave town.
Castle : But feel free to bathe.

[Beckett talks on the phone with M.E. Perlmutter. Castle sits with her.]
Beckett :  (on phone) Are you sure?
Perlmutter : (on phone)You telling me how to do my job?
Beckett : (on phone)No, Perlmutter, I'm not trying to tell you how to do your job, I just...
Perlmutter : (on phone)Good, 'cause that's all you get.
Beckett : Hello? He just hung up on me.

Beckett : Okay, Mr. Mystery-Writer-Man, what's your bestselling theory?
Castle : I'm gonna go with the butler.
Beckett : The butler?
Castle : That's who we always go with when we run out of ideas. How about Alexis? Beckett : Oh, Alexis.
Castle : She's perfect. She's peripheral to the case, we don't suspect her, she has no alibi...
Beckett : Okay, I'll tell you what. Why don't you go home and question her, and if she breaks, call me.

[Castle enters. Alexis is on her laptop and Martha's in the kitchen.]
Castle : Hey. If you killed someone, you would tell me, right?
Alexis : Of course. I'd need help hiding the body.
Castle :  (laughs) That's my girl.

Martha : Now, does that man look like a killer to you?
Castle : Everybody looks like a killer to me. It's a job requirement.
Alexis : You didn't say that about Sky.
Castle : Just let me have this moment.

Beckett : Okay, so she wasn't hiding from death, she was hiding from change.
Castle : She hated Obama.

Alexis: I can't believe how many lives were ruined over one woman's need to protect her family's reputation.
Castle: You will never have this problem between Grams and myself… our family reputation's already in ruins.
Alexis: Lucky me.

Beckett: Are you looking at porn?
Castle: I use Ryan's computer for that.

Castle: Let me borrow your magnifying glass.
Beckett: I don't have a magnifying glass.
Castle: Isn't that standard issue for detectives?
Beckett: No, not since Sherlock Holmes.

Castle: This guy's got contingency plans for his contingency plans, it's like we're battling a super villain.

Castle: What are you ladies doing?
Martha: Alexis is assisting me in creating a MyFace account.
Castle: I think you mean--
Alexis: Save your breath. I've been correcting her the whole morning.

Martha: (looking at her social networking page) OMG! Chet Palaburn.
Castle: Who's Chet Palaburn?
Martha: Star athlete. Class president. Homecoming king. My high school sweetheart. And my first.
Castle: I really didn't need to know that last one.

Montgomery: (to Beckett) Two fresh bodies and you want to look at a murder ten years cold?
Castle: (interrupts) When I'm writing a story, the beginning is always the hardest. But if you nail that, the rest of it could just fall into place.
Montgomery: Castle, this is not one of your books.
Castle: No, but it is a mystery. And all mysteries are the same. Motive. Opportunity. Cover-up. Conscience. These murders today would have covered up one ten years ago.

Montgomery: Thank you for your offer. However, my detectives will conduct their investigation in any manner they see fit.
Blake Wellesley: Captain, I can get the Commissioner on the phone in under a minute.
Montgomery: Well, tell him I said hi... and I really could use a raise.

Alexis: Looking good, Grams! A date?
Martha: Dining and dancing with Chet Palaburn.
Castle: What if he turns out to be bloated and ugly?
Martha: Oh! How superficial do you think I am?
Castle: Intensely.

Paul Cho: I don't understand, I haven't seen Jack in months, not since he divorced my sister.
Beckett: Really? Because I have an eye witness who saw the two of you arguing yesterday morning. So that means you're lying to me.
Castle: (whispering) She hates being lied to.
Paul Cho: I don't know what you're talking about.
Kate: Great, let's go down to the precinct, I'll arrange a perp walk, and you can put on a show for the cameras.
(Castle puts his hand on Paul Cho's shoulder)
Castle: Love a good perp walk.

Beckett: You've got quite a record, Mr. Knox.
Castle: Your parents must be proud.
Knox: Yeah, they hang all my mug shots on the fridge.

Castle: So how do we find Danton?
Beckett: We talk to one of the call girls. (to Cho) Call that number and tell him to bring one of his girls over.
Castle: And tell her to wear something sexy.

Martha: I'm on the wrong side of forty for what Alexis is going through right now.
Castle: Forty?
Martha: Deflect all you want, kiddo, but I recognize the fear in your eyes. You're afraid Alexis has more Rick Castle in her than you thought.

Beckett: Why would a respected prosecutor become a pimp?
Castle: The outfits.

(Alexis gives her father a tight hug)
Castle: What was that for?
Alexis: For being the best dad ever.
Castle: It's true, you know. I have the novelty mug to prove it.

Castle: Why, Detective Beckett. I had no idea you were a romantic.
Beckett: I also sleep with a gun. I bet you didn't know that either.

Jeremy: An ex-wife that I can't remember.
Castle: Hey! Some men would consider you lucky.

Beckett: He's got asthma. He's allergic to cats. He reads.
Ryan: And he's good at math and he can't draw. Put it together. He's your average maths athlete with a lot of crap in his pockets.

Beckett: Good thing he reads.
Ryan: Good thing he reads Russian Literature. If the guy was a Nicholas Sparks fan, he'd be dead.

Ryan: CSU's re-swept the scene, twice, no sign of our fifth bullet.
Castle: I'm telling you, ice bullet.
Esposito: Nah Bro, an ice bullet would still make a bullet-hole.
Ryan: You mean ice-hole.
Castle: What did you just call me ?

Castle: You want to take advantage of a guy, knocking him unconscious kind of defeats the purpose. Best way? Just ask.

Beckett: When I'm not here do you guys braid each others hair and debate who's the coolest Jonas Brother?
Esposito: No, but is totally Nick.
Ryan: Absolutely Nick.

Beckett: Anything else?
Lanie: You tell me.
Beckett: What?
Lanie: Don't "what" me. Castle's lost love...
Beckett: Yeah, what about it?
Lanie: (amused) Girl, I'm gonna smack you! You work side by side everyday. He writes a sex scene in his book about you that had me reaching for ice water. Now, little miss bride shows up. Don't tell me you're not the least bit jealous.
Beckett: Oh, please. You've been inhaling too many autopsy fluids. (Beckett begins to leave the room.)
Lanie: Honey, just because you can't see whats goin' on doesn't mean everyone else doesn't see what's going on!
Beckett: (from outside the room, in a singsong) Shut up!
Lanie: (to Sophie, the corpse) Mm-hmm. I see it. You may not, but I do

(watching Alexis duct taping Castle to the chair)
Martha: Well, hurry taping up your father, don't want to be late. Oh god, I can't believe I just said that.

Ryan : Where's Castle ?
Beckett: I don't know. Figured the death of a bridesmaid would be right up his alley.
Ryan: Heard wedding probably got cold feet ?

Castle: Do you know why I choose you as my inspiration for Nikki Heat?
Beckett: No. Why?
Castle: Because you are tall. (Beckett smiles) Now go in there and do your job.

Beckett: Castle, these Westies can be pretty rough, so you sure you don't want to stay in the car?
Castle: No way!
Beckett: Okay. Keep your mouth shut...and try to butch up a little.

Beckett: This guy was armed and ready. Whoever got him was very, very good.
Castle: Ninja assassin!
Ryan: Ninja assassin? Isn't that kinda redundant?
Esposito: Aren't all ninjas, by definition, assassins?

Castle: I overstepped. I came down here to say that I was sorry and that I'm through.I can't shadow you anymore. If it wasn't for me...
Beckett: If it wasn't for you, I would've never found my mom's killer. And someday soon, I'm gonna find the sons of b*tches who had Coonan kill her. And I'd like you around when I do. And if you tell anyone what I'm about to say, there's gonna be another shooting, but I've gotten used to you pulling my pigtails. I have a hard job, Castle, and having you around makes it a little more fun.
Castle: Your secret's safe with me.

Castle: (Castle cell phone rings) Ok, either Beckett is calling because there's a dead body or because she read the article.
Martha: Pray for murder.

Beckett: You're such a metrosexual.
Castle: Yeah, well, better than being a pin-up boy.
Beckett: So you heard? (Castle nods) And it's man, Castle. Pin-up man.
Castle: Yeah, well, have fun with your hose jockey whilst I go out with Nueva York's most eligible bachelorette number 3.
Beckett: I guess that means she must be slumming it, what with her being a number 3 and you being a lowly number 9.
Castle: What number were you again ?

Beckett: (to Castle) I can just see the headlines now; Nine meets three: a dinner for two! (Laughs)

Beckett: I have no life.
Lainie: No, Mr. Bishop has no life. That's why he's on my table.

Beckett: (About Castle's family) Con artists and circus people, huh?
Castle: And mindreaders.
Beckett: Really? Tell me what I'm thinking.
Castle: Ah! You... You are thinking... 'You don't care and you want me to stop talking'.
Beckett: Uh! That's uncanny!
Castle: It's in the blood.

Castle: Did you just use the word "veritable" in a sentence?
Beckett: Yes, I did.
Castle: Sexy!
Beckett: You should hear me say "fallacious".

Castle: C'mon! Haven't you ever wanted to do something with your handcuffs other than arrest criminals?
Beckett: No. But there is one hot, wild, kinky thing that I do like doing...(Castle looses his grip on the table he's leaning into) Putting killers behind bars!

Castle: Is that honey?
Lanie: For the smell of it I would say is caramel sauce, but I'd be testing not tasting.

Castle: Maybe our killer has a sweet tooth.
Beckett: Given the state of undress I would say it's more likely a sexual fetish.
Lanie: I can do the chocolate. I will even do the whipped cream bikini, but caramel? I prefer slippery to sticky.
Castle: (To Ryan) Does she know we can hear her?

Castle: I'm here to protect you.
Beckett: What with your vast arsenal of rapier wit?

Beckett: Tell me everything you know about Jordan Shaw.
Castle: She is like the federal you.

Alexis: I can't believe she's leaving tomorrow. I mean, yeah, when she first moved in, I couldn't imagine having her around all the time. But now I can't imagine her being gone.
Castle: Listen. It's a fact of life. People we love leave us. Unless you chain them to a radiator, which for some reason is illegal. But, knowing her, she'll be back in six months.

Beckett: And then to top it off, you are now building theory with her.
Castle: So?
Beckett: So you're supposed to be building theory with me. You're supposed to be on my team.
Castle: Well, I thought we were all on the same team?
Beckett: We are. It's just... I think that if you have an insight, you should run it by me first.
Castle: Fine. I will.

Castle: Ask me why I'm here.
Beckett: You know, I ask myself that question every day.

Martha: (to Castle) Chet has asked me to move in with him.
Alexis: I told her it was too soon. They've been dating for only a couple of months.
Martha: (to Alexis) When you get to our age every minute counts.

Castle: Wow, that's funny... every Sunday my mom would have me make her an ice pack and a bloody mary.
Martha: Don't listen to him. That only happened twice... tops.

Beckett: That was one hell of a shot Castle. (Castle shots the gun off the criminal's hands)
Castle: I was aiming for his head...

Agent Shaw: Castle, what part of un-ass don't you understand?
Castle: All of it.
Agent Shaw: For future reference, it means get the hell out and don't take anything.

Agent Shaw: Castle. Thank you for your help. You are a valuable asset to Detective Beckett's team.
Castle: Well, it would be great if you would call her and remind her of that from time to time.

Agent Shaw: He cares about you, Kate. You may not see it. You may not be ready to. But he does.
Beckett: Yeah, well, the situation with Castle is... complicated.

Agent Shaw: Honestly, the thing that impressed me most is that you came in with Castle.
Beckett: You know, some people would call that foolish.
Agent Shaw:You made a tough decision on your feet, used the resources at hand. I'd say that's heroic and somewhat poetic. In the end, Dunn did actually face Nikki Heat. She is after all, part you, part Castle.

Castle: Are you in any pain?
Beckett: Well, not nearly as much as you. It's killing you, isn't it?
Castle: What?
Beckett: Having to wait this long to tell me how you banged down the door.
Castle: You want me to start from the beginning ?

Castle: (Elevator stops) No reason to panic. (Lights in elevator go off) Small reason to panic.

Castle: (after cutting himself) What's the difference between cursed and clumsy?
Alexis: I'll get a band aid.
Castle: Get two.

Castle: If something were to happen to me I want you to watch out for Alexis. She looks up to you, and if her boyfriends get frisky you can shoot them.
Beckett: Nothing is gonna happen to you.
Castle: But if it does...?
Beckett: Ok.
Castle: And would you also go into my closet and get rid of my porn collection before she finds it?
Esposito: Don't worry, Bro. I got you covered on that.

Beckett: Either you are being a good cop or you just wanna go to the museum?
Castle: They have dinosaurs there.

Captain Roy Montgomery : (talking to Dets. Ryan and Esposito) There's no upside in screwing with things you can't explain.

Castle: Do you believe people get what they deserve?
Beckett: Well, if they do then I must have done something terrible to be punished with you.
Castle: Funny.

Beckett: (referring to Castle's story about the numerous times he took Alexis to the museum) You know Castle, sometimes I forget that you have such a capacity for pure innocence in your life.

Castle: Yeah, plus it was a great place to pickup chicks.
Beckett: Then you open your mouth and you ruin it.

Janine Marks: He was banging my daughter right under my nose? I will kill him!
Castle: He's already dead.
Janine Marks: Well, I will kill him again. I don't care. Where's the corpse?

Castle: You sure you want to take that many books?
Alexis: Overambitious for a 5 day trip?
Castle: You're gonna be responsible for your own pack. I think you're supposed to be more Sacagawea than a scholarly reader. Besides, look at all those pages the trees might want revenge.

Castle: Yet another example of why you shouldn't mix business with pleasure, even show business.
Beckett: Are you talking about the case or yourself?
Castle: Hahaha… Yeah. Touché, Detective.
Beckett: So you want to go for a victory lap and grab a burger?
Castle: Oh, can't. Gotta go. Big date.
Beckett: You're kidding, right? You're going out with Ellie Monroe even though you know the only reason that she was interested in you was for a part? Have you lost all sense of human decency and self-respect... what?
Castle: My big date... is with Alexis. She's getting back from her trip.
Beckett: Oh. (Castle leaves smiling and so does Beckett) 

(Castle just hang up the phone with Ellie Monroe)
Beckett: Ellie Monroe, huh?
Castle: Yeah, she's pretty upset about this whole Bobby Mann thing. That we were his last guests. She thinks it would be comforting if we were to be together.
Beckett: "comforting"? Is that what the cool kids call it these days?

Beckett: What are you doing? (Castle looking into Bobby's evidence bag)
Castle: It's called investigating. You should try it.
Beckett: I usually wait until there's a crime.
Castle: Cell phone, money clip.
Castle: He stuck a piece of gum to a paper before he put it in his pocket.
Beckett: One of his last acts was not littering.
Castle: Yes, but there's a word on this paper..."tory." Could be a mystery woman.
Beckett: Wow, Castle. Cracking this case wide open.

(Alexis and Martha watching Castle's interview on TV)
Castle: Call me old-fashioned, but when a beautiful movie star is impressed with my fake law enforcement credentials, I'm in.
Alexis: (Alexis asking Martha) Do you think he's asked her out yet?
Martha: Your father, pretty girl like that? He may have proposed by now.

Beckett: (Talking about Ellie Monroe) That's why she was throwing herself at you. She wanted you to recommend her for the part.
Castle: What?
Beckett: For the record, she's nothing like Nikki Heat.
Castle: Oh! You just can't stand it that a beautiful actress is actually interested in me.
Beckett: Why would I care?
Castle: Exactly. That's a good question. Why would you care?
Beckett: I don't!
Castle: Fine! I'm gonna go get some coffee.
Beckett: Fine! I've got work to do.

Bobby Mann: (Asking Castle about his book) Now you worked with actual NYPD Homicide Detectives to research "Heat Wave".
Castle: Yes, yes I did. And they still won't let me carry a gun.
Ellie: I didn't know you worked with law enforcement. It's kinda my weak spot.
Bobby Mann: Hello.
Hank: Waiter, check please.
Bobby Mann: Wow, you guys are single, right?
Castle: Well, actually not anymore, Bobby. Thank you very much.
Bobby Mann: Oh!

Bobby Mann:(Talk show introduction) And did you hear? Our favorite golfer is in the news again. Missed a charity tournament over the weekend. Really unfortunate. The world's top golfer had to pull out. In fact, it's the first time he's pulled out of anything… in five years.

Beckett: (Watching Castle on tv) Wow! Camera does really add ten pounds... to his ego!

Castle: Betrayal, lies, deceit sounds like my first marriage.

Castle: (About the body) That is so cool. Do you mind if I take pictures?
Lanie: Knock yourself out, but if any of them end up on the internet, I will hunt you down and hurt you.

Beckett: (laughing) I was just calling you!
Demming: What a coincidence, I was just coming to see you.
Castle: Wow. It's like we're all on the same case.

Madison: Okay, next time I'm hitting on a guy you like, come clean with me before I go out with him so you don't have to arrest me to break up the date!
Beckett: Madison that's not..
Madison: No, no, no. I get it. You're hot for Castle. You want to make little Castle babies. (Beckett is horrified) Why couldn't you just be honest?
Beckett: (whispers) Maddie!
Madison: What?
Beckett: (whispers) He can hear us!
Madison: Oh?! Really?
Beckett: Yes!
Madison: He's behind the mirror?
Beckett: Yeah!
Madison: Oh! Like on tv?
Madison: (to the mirror) Hey there! Sorry we missed the pumpkin gnocchi; they're really good. (Castle knocks on the two-way mirror, Madison giggles) I have to tweet about this!

Castle: (to Beckett about a suspect) Oh well, lying cheating wife was telling the truth. 

Beckett: Did you throw something at him? Because I remember you throwing things at people when you got angry.
Madison: Oh, come on. Don't you people have rules about using personal knowledge against suspects?

Castle: High School friend, huh? I bet she knows where all your bodies are buried.
Beckett: You can dig all you want, Castle. My secrets are safe with her.
Castle: How can you be sure?
Beckett: Because whatever she knows about me, I know worse about her. We used to hang out, big group of us, had a good time.
Castle: And... What's a good time?
Beckett: Well, if you don't know by now, I'm sure it's too late to show you one.

Castle: What broke?
Alexis: A stupid glass.
Castle: Remind me to get smarter glasses.

Castle: Wilder? Damian Wilder?
Esposito: Yeah, you know him?
Castle: I know of him. This is a photo from one of his ad campaigns. He, he runs a line of boutique men's skincare products.
Ryan: You mean, like, bathroom stuff?
Castle: He has got a toner, totally alcohol-free, fantastic. He's got a shaving cream that is ridiculous.
Esposito: I'm good with the drug store stuff, man.
Castle: No, no, no, no, no. Hang on. This stuff will change your life.
Esposito: It's hot.
Castle: It's hot.
Ryan: It's hot?
Castle: It's hot.
Ryan: It's hot! How do they do that?
Castle: Magic of modern chemistry. It's like getting a shave from a barber. Matter of fact, that's the tagline: "Barber in a can".
Esposito: Huh.
Ryan: So it's probably expensive, huh?
Castle: Its 50 bucks a pop, but it's so worth it.
Esposito: Absolutely.
Ryan: Totally. Yeah.
Beckett: Guys... a man has been murdered here.
Castle: And we are... honoring his legacy.
Lanie: Huh… It's like, "Sex and the City," only with boys.

Castle: Uhm, well, with my book due, I was thinking it'd be a good time for us to take a break.
Beckett: A break?
Castle: Yeah. Well, God knows, you gotta be tired of me following you around all the time, and I really do need to get some work done. With everyone gone, I figure, why not just stay up in the Hamptons, you know? Get away from the city for a while.
Beckett: Well, for how long?
Castle: The summer at least. I thought this would be our last case.

Esposito: So... Castle's last case, huh?
Beckett: Mm-hmm.
Esposito: Ryan and I thought we'd do a little going away party.
Beckett: Yeah. Well, it's not like he's leaving forever.
Esposito: You sure about that? Why do you think he's been following you around all this time? What, research? The guy has done enough research to write 50 books. Look... whatever the reason is, I'm pretty sure it doesn't include watching you be with another guy.

Castle: According to this, half the kids in your building will be 16 and 17 year old boys.
Alexis: Relax, dad. Each floor has a resident advisor who's 21.
Castle: Oh, so the one person in charge is conveniently old enough to buy alcohol? 

Castle: Oh! Look who's off duty!
Beckett: Yeah, well Castle, I'm not all work.
Lanie: Don't go into a drinking contest with her. She can take you.
Castle: Thank You.
Beckett: Oh, I don't need to drink to take him.
Lanie: Ooh! What's got into you? 

(Hans finds out Castle is not the person he was supposed to meet and grabs his shirt) 
Beckett: NYPD! Hands up! (Castle puts his hands up) Not you Castle!
Castle: Right..

Castle: It's kinda like a tradition you know; bonfires, roasting marshmallows, telling ghost stories, sleeping late... We've done it since she was five.
Beckett: Sounds nice. Kind of magical actually.
Castle: Yeah, you know what? You should come. Oh! It's right on the ocean, there's a secluded pool, you could lay out, work on your tan.
Beckett: Wow Castle. You're working really hard to see me in a swimsuit.
Castle: If you are not comfortable in a swimming suit you can just skinny dip.(Beckett smiles to herself)