Répliques VO Saison 1

Martha: Really, doll face, who does homework at a party
Alexis: A have a test next week.
Martha: So do I. Liver function. You don't see me studying.

Martha: What's the big deal... Hang on, sweetie. I just got a hit on my grey-dar. Bingo ! No ring. Stand back, Kids. Mama's going fishing. [It goes]

Castle: When I was your age... I can't tell that story. It's wildy inappropriate. Which, oddly is my point. Don't you want to have wildly inappropriate stories that you can't tell your children ?

Castle: Just once, I'd like someone to come up to me and say something new.
Beckett: Mr Castle ?
Castle [Turns around and pulls out his pen]: Where would you like it ?
Beckett: Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. We need to ask you a few questions about a murder that took place earlier tonight.
Alexis [Takes pen in Castle]: That's new.

Beckett: Says here that you stole a police horse.
Castle: Borroweb.
Beckett: And you were nude at the time
Castle: It was spring.

Castle:(Castle asked Beckett for photos of the murders )I'm not asking for the bodies. Just the pictures.

Beckett: Are you here to annoy me?
Castle: I'm here for the story.

Beckett: Welcome to reality, superstar. 
Castle: Well, I never did much like reality.

Esposito: (about Castle) The man's got the Mayor on speed dial. The rich really are different.
Beckett: You want him? He's yours.
Esposito: A control freak like you with something you can't control? No, no, that's gonna be more fun than Shark Week.

Alexis: If I'm gonna have to keep bailing you out, you're going to have to raise my allowance... a lot.

Beckett: Castle, you okay ?
Castle [Scared]: Yeah, except this psycho here needs a breath mint.

Beckett: Sir, he is like a nine-year-old on a sugar rush, totally incapable of taking anything seriously.

Police Representative: Mr. Castle, be advised: if you get injured following Detective Beckett to research your next novel, you cannot sue the city. If you get shot, you cannot sue the city. If you get killed...
Castle: My lifeless remains cannot sue the city?

Ryan: So, she opens up the drier, takes the other person's clothes out, finds Miss Fluff and Fold here instead.
Esposito: If that's not a cautionary tale about poking around with someone else's laundry, I don't know what is.

Esposito: I'm sorry. If someone started rooting around my underwear without an invitation, I'm taking that as a serious breach of hygiene.
Beckett: I thought you went commando, Esposito.

Castle: Three men huddled around a computer. There'd better not be porn, and if there is, I want in.

Alexis: How come we never had a nanny?
Castle: Well, your mother and I decided if someone was going to screw you up, we wanted it to be me. Only, you managed to turn out fine somehow anyway.

Castle: (surprised after Beckett tells a suspect not to leave town) Don't leave town?Don't you need probable cause for something like that? 
Beckett: Yeah, well, he doesn't know that, does he? 
Castle: You can lie like that? That is so cool! (scribbles in his notepad)

Castle: (to Beckett about marriage) You'd be good at it. You're both controlling and disapproving. You should really try it.

Castle: We could always make it strip poker.
Beckett: Sorry, but I prefer mystery to horror.

(Mr. Peterson has been accused of having an affair with the victim)
Mr. Peterson: I am having an affair, just not with Sarah. But it's not what you think. 
Castle: (sarcastically) When is it ever?

Beckett: Okay, Castle, but it's accompany and observe, not participate and annoy. Got it?
Castle: Participate and annoy is a lot more fun, but alright.

Castle: So. Looks like I managed to make it through the case without getting injured, shot or killed.
Beckett: Yeah, well, maybe tomorrow.

Castle: Reading the paper? You are going to lose all of your wired teen hyper texting nano gizmo street cred.
Alexis: I'm a rebel. I like it old school.

Beckett: So why the burial at sea?
Castle: The vikings believed that if you wanted to reach Valhalla you needed a vessel.
Beckett: Gun-toting viking? That's your theory?
Castle: No no no, they also launched their dead with a sacrificial woman... and some booze... and a good horse.

Beckett: Do you know the school ? 
Castle: Oh, I've been kicked out of all of New York's finer educational institutions at least once. The irony is, now that I'm rich and famous, they all claim me as alum and want money. 
Beckett: It is just so rough being you. 
Castle: My cross to bear.

Castle: Did you know in the original Greek, 'tragedy' literally means 'goat song'? I know, doesn't make any sense to me either, but whatever that first story was, I can't help but think, bad things must have happened to that goat…

Beckett: Beckett. [Castle clings to her to hear. Beckett puts his arm behind him to catch the ear] Yeah. Okay. Of course. Sure, I'll be right there. [they hang up and loose Castle]
Castle [rubbing the ear]: Next time, put it on speakerphone.

Alexis: Are you trying to figure out how to murder someone in their sleep again ? 
Castle: Not this time.

Capt. Montgomery: You gotta be kidding me. I already told the brass that we got the guy.
Castle: I can see how that would be a little awkward.
Capt. Montgomery: The Mayor even called to thank me... he's in for the Knicks game by the way.
Castle: Sweet!

Alexis: But I lied to you. Shouldn't you punish me ? 
Castle: Yes. No, you're right. Mandatory ice cream for breakfast. No excuses. 
Alexis: I'm serous. If you won't, I will. 
Castle: I'm serious about the ice cream. 
Alexis: Fine0 I'm grounded for a week. 
Castle: All right. You're tough but fair. 

Alexis: (about Martha) Dad c'mon, be a little more supportive, she's trying... to help people.
Castle: Yeah, to my liquor cabinet.

Beckett: Oh, my gosh ! I get it. You're hiding. Your book is coming out today, and you are hiding.
Castle: No. Hiding would be building a fortress out of my comforter and then downing a fifth of Scotch, but apparently that's considered unhealthy.

Castle: Every artist needs a muse.
Beckett [she blocks the passage]: Call me a muse again, and I will break both your legs, okay ?

Castle: Hey, I'm a wise-ass, not a jackass.
Beckett [she smiles]: I didn't know there was a difference.

Beckett: This female detective of yours, exactly how much will she be based on me ?
Castle: Wee, she's not too bright, and Kind of slutty.
Beckett: Right, so was that wise-ass or jackass ?
Castle: Actually, that was jackass. No, honestly, you're not gonna have anything to be embarrassed about. She's gonna be... She's gonna be really smart, very savvy, haunting good looks, really good at her job... [Beckett Smiles] And Kind of Slutty. [Castle's phone rings]
Beckett: Castle...

Beckett: Castle, what are you doing ?
Castle: Promise not to hate me.
Beckett: I already hate you.

Castle: Well, not exactly a friend. She's my interior decorator. But then we slept together, so I don't really know what she is now.
Beckett: What the hell were you thinking ?
Castle: I know, right ? You work together, you think it'll be fun, but then it always makes things weird. It's a real cautionary tale.
Beckett: I'm talking about the photographs. Of the body.

Castle [Crying in front of the glass stick] Asleep ? You are lame ! [The rate of Beckett: Everyone hears Castle and Beckett close his eyes] You are so lame ! You're Lamey McLamester. [Back side of Castle] You're so la-la-la-lame !

Castle [look at the pictures, and say to beckett]: I gotta hand it to Councilman Horny. He is incredibly flexible for a guy his age. Look at that. You ever do that ?

Interlocutor: VIP Liasons.
Beckett: Castle, what are you doing ?
Castle: Hi ! My name's Richard. I'm a very generous man looking to arrange a very special date with Tiffany. [Beckett gets up but goes Castle. She follows] Just give me a call on my phone, which is 347-555-0179. Thank you. [He hang up]

Lanie: You deserve it. Getting a drink with me after work instead of getting your freak on with writer-boy ?
Beckett: Yeah, well, he is annoying, self-centred, egotistical and completely...
Lanie: Fun ? And take it from me, girlfriend, you need some fun. [Beckeett phone rings] I mean, how bad can he be ? [She picks]
Beckett: Beckett.
Castle [lie on the couch]: Guess who's got a date with a prostitute ! [Beckett washing hands]

Alexis: Gina called. She wanted me to remind you about the reading and book signing at Broadwey Books tomorrow night.
Castle: Oh, that was nice of her.
Alexis: Yeah. And of you don't show, she will, [she reads a paper] "Drip honey on your eyeballs and let loose 100 fire ants."
Castle: Okay. What's worse ? 100 fire ants on your eyeballs or reading to a crowd, [he read a newspaper criticism] "Prose so bad, it sent me screaming out into the snow."

Alexis [read an article from Ledger]:"Richard Castle's stirring finale reminds us what good pulp fiction is all about. It makes us desire a world of starling imperfection, so we can rise above and become the heroes we always imagined ourselves to be."
Castle: It uused to be such a good paper. To see it fallen so far, it's sad, really.
Alexis: Shut up ! I'm proud of you.
Castle: Well, you remember that next time I sing the peanut butter song in front of your friends.

Beckett [To Castle, after reading]: I just figured, if you're gonna bother me at my work, I should bother you at yours. Thas was quite a reading. Very moving.
Castle: Are you making fun of me ?
Beckett: "Good, ' she thought, as the wind gathered up her hair. No one will see my tears." How does wind gather up hair ? I'm just curious.
Castle: Oh, you're telling me how to do my job ?
Beckett: Irritating, isn't it ?

Martha: Oh, let's just hope Nikki Heat does as well.
Beckett [she stopped to smile]: "Nikki Heat"?
Martha: The character he's basing on you.
Beckett: "Nikki Heat"? Can I talk to you for a second ?
Castle: Of course. [They leave.Alexis wants to follow but Martha prevents]
Alexis: I wanna hear.
Beckett: What kind of a name is "Nikki Heat" ?
Castle: A cop name.
Beckett: It's a stripper name.
Castle: Well, I told you she was kind of slutty.
Beckett: Change it, Castle.

Castle : Je préfère aller jeter un coup d’œil. [Castle ouvre la porte, en déguisement, en pointant son fusil-laser sur Beckett] Ah ! 
Beckett [bouche bée] : Bonsoir.   

Beckett [to a cop]: Get a close-up of her face. I want to run her through Missing Persons.
Castle: Oh, cool. Like on the Discovery Channel, where you plug the photo into a facial-recognition database ?
Beckett: Yeah. Just like that.
Castle: Yes !
[Commissioner: Beckett, Castle, Ryan and Esposito]
Beckett [By asking a state of the record before Castle]: Welcome to the department's official facial-recognition database.
Castle: By hand ? That's like life before TIVo.
Esposito: Maybe you could download an app on that phone of yours.

Ryan: What ? You freeze a body once for one of your books ?
Castle: No. But I cooled a turkey for Thanksgiving. It was a 28-pounder. It took all night to unfreeze.
Beckett: She's a person, Castle. Not a turkey.
Castle: Just making a point.

Castle: I read the case file. She kicked the habit.Met and married Samuel Cavanagh. She worked in a restaurant. He managed a bank. They have two kids.
Beckett: When did you read the case file ?
Castle: That... [Beckett takes his coffee] When you were in the little girl's room.
Beckett: I was gone for like a minute.

Ryan: I don't believe it.
Castle: Give 250 pages, I bet I could make you. [Ryan laughs]
Beckett: We're solving a murder, Castle, not writing a book.
Castle: I would call it, A Chill Runs Through Her Veins.
Esposito: I like that.

Caslte: Homeless, White Plains. Homeless, White Plains.
Esposito: They're both kind of creepy. [Castle go with Beckett] Bye.

Castle: I ever disappear, make sure this guy's not on my case.

Alexis [Castle is looking on the freezer]: You know, we have air conditioning.

Castle [closes the freezer]: It's family moments like these I will never forget.
Alexis: With a good therapist, hopefully, I will.

Castle : Right ! Come on in. Please. Right. Enter. [Castle open the door, in disguise, pointing his gun-laser to Beckett] Welcome.
Beckett [speechless]: Hello.   

Castle: All right. So, you and I are married.
Beckett: We are not married.
Castle: Relax. It's just pretend.
Beckett: I don't wanna pretend.
Castle: Scared you'll like it ?
Beckett: Okay. If we're married, I want a divorce.
Roger: Are you two like this all the time ?
Beckett and Castle: Yes.

Beckett: So, I guess your Nikki Heat has a back-story now, Castle.
Castle: I don't know. I did kind of like the hooker-by-day, cop-by-night thing. But I guess a heavy emotional angle could work, too.
Beckett: Well, don't bewilder your audiences with substance on my account, Castle.
Castle: Until tomorrow, Detective.
Beckett: You can't just say "night" ?
Castle: I'm a writer. "Night" is boring. "Until tomorrow" is more hopeful.
Beckett: Yeah. Well, I'm a cop. Night. [She's go]
Castle: Night.

Meredith: Makes you wonder why we ever got divorced !
Castle: I know, right ? I mean, except for you having an affair with your director and moving to Malibu and serving me with divorce papers, I think we really had a chance.

Beckett: You think ? [Seeing Castle lost in thought] Hello ? You okay ?
Castle: I had sex withh my ex-wife this morning. My first ex-wife, Meredith, Alexis' mom. And she's thinking about moving back to New York. Do you know what that would mean to me ? That would be a very special brand of hell. The hell of a deep-fried Twinkie.
Ryan: A deep-fried Twinkie ?
Castle: Yeah. The guilty pleasure that you know is bad for you, so you only do it once, maybe twice a year for the novelty. But a deep-fried Twinkie every day is...

Beckett: And you call your ex-wife "a deep-fried Twinkie."
Castle: Trust me. As annoying and intrusive as you think I am, she's a million times worse.

Meredith: No, I'm not gonna wait downstairs. Do you have any idea who pays your salary ? Me and my taxes.
Beckett: Is that...
Castle: Yeah.
Meredith: Richard ! Over here !
Esposito: Deep-fried Twinkie ?
Castle: Afraid so.

Meredith: Right, kitten ?
Beckett: Kitten ? [Ryan et Esposito laugh]
Castle: I had this dream once, only I was naked and far less embarrassed.

Ryan: Where's Castle ?
Beckett: He went home.
Ryan: Deep-fried Twinkie, huh ?
Beckett: I didn't ask.

Martha: [speaking about Meredith] Why did you marry her, anyway ?
Castle: I don't know, Mother. Maybe she reminded me of you.

Castle: I'm listening.
Seller: Like this one chick, she's standing there, right in front of the store, and she starts to take off her...
Beckett: Just show us the recordings from the past couple of days, okay ?
Castle: Her blood sugar gets low, she gets a little cranky.
Beckett: Zip it, kitten.

Beckett [open her car trunk] : Where did the bag come from ?
Castle: Sorry. It's mine. I felt, given everything that's happened, I should be prepared. I got this special-order. And look...
Beckett: Writer ?
Castle: Cool, huh ?
Beckett: No. Not cool. You don't need a vest.

Beckett: What do you mean, you didn't get the plate ?
Castle: There was a... It was coming...

Castle: Can I kick it down ?
Beckett: Sorry, kitten. NYPD !
Diana: Okay, okay. Take it easy. [She open]

Beckett: I can't shoot him from down here.
Castle: Yeah, he can't shoot you, either.

Castle: Okay. When we shoot, he shoots. He'll be exposed. I'll set the pick, you take him down.
Beckett: Set the pick with what ?
Castle [showing a bottle of champagne]: This.

Beckett: Yeah. Probably saved my life.
Castle: Probably ? I definitely saved your life. And you know what that means, don't you ? It means you owe me.
Beckett: Owe you what ?
Castle: Whatever I want. And you know exactly what I want, don't you ? You know what I really, really, want you to do. [He goes to Beckett and whispers in his ear]Never, ever call me kitten. [He leaves Beckett smiles]

Alexis: Raising one parent's hard enough. I don't know what I'd do if I had to raise two.

Ryan: They're stepping up Their game, Becoming more violent. [Ryan sneezes] 
Beckett: Bless you. 
Castle: Bless you. Jinx 
Beckett: What's Wrong With Him? 
Esposito: Goose down. He's allergic. 
Castle: I'm sorry. Under the Time-Honored rules of jinx, you're Not Allowed to Speak Until I release you. [Ryan sneezes again] 
Castle: Bless you! 
Beckett: Bless you! Reverse double-jinx. 
Castle: I just, I ... 
Beckett: Castle Mouth Shut Until I release you.

Castle: No, They Used The Pillow as a poor man's sound suppressor. [Beckett clears his throat] Yeah, yes, I broke The Jinx. I will buy you a soda. 

Castle: Well, It Cannot Be random. How Do They Know What's In The safes? "Safes". Is That a word? Is it "saves"? That cannot be right. 
Esposito: And you write for a living? 

Castle: You're short-selling, Beckett. Esposito and Ryan "could not manage That level of empathy. 
Beckett: That's not true. Theys just save it for fantasy football trades. 

Castle: Meredith is more "like a crazy aunt With A Credit Card. Of The Two Of Us, I'm the more responsible one. Pretty sad, is not it? 
Beckett: Well, I would not worry about it too much, Castle. After all, only The Good Die Young.

Beckett : Listen, Freud. I Know What You're Trying to Do. You're Trying to get me to talk about my mom to see if You Can squeeze "any more for your pulp fiction. 
Castle: "Pulp"? What I think you DO IS pulp? Listen, I Will Have You Know That The New York Review of Books, not The New York Times Book Review Mind you, The New York Review of Books That Said Derrick Storm is this generation's answer to ... 
Beckett: That piece I read. And you Even Have to admitted That It's More than a little hyperbolic. So How Much Did you pay The Review? 
Castle: A case of Chateauneuf du Pape, goal that's not the point. The point IS, you read The New York Review of Books? 
Beckett: So many layers to The Beckett onion. However Will You peel 'em all? 

Ryan: Why do you call them perp Always writers? 
Castle: Is not thats what you call 'em? 
Ryan: We Got A Whole Lot of names for 'em. 
Montgomery: Yeah. 
Ryan: Pipe-head, pissheadn ork, creep. 
Esposito: Crook, knucklehead, Chucklehead. 
Ryan: Chud, Trudi. 
Esposito: Destro, skel. 
Ryan: Skeki, slicko, slick. 
Esposito: Mope. 
Ryan: Sleestak. 
Castle: Slow down, slow down. 
Beckett: Suspects. We call 'em suspects. 
Montgomery: I'm old school. I like dirtbag. 
Castle: Classic. 

Beckett: Why? You Guilty of Something? 
Mitchell: Yeah, of not running fast Enough When Your boys showed.

Castle: You Must Be pretty well-connected. Friends in high places? 
Mitchell: Who's Mary With The manicure? I know HE's not a cop, not With That haircut. 

Castle: You got to watch Those silhouettes. THEY CAN BE shifty little bastards. 
Beckett: Do you mind? I'm Trying to concentrate. 
Castle: Man, When I hit a wall, all I got's One of These little stress balls and Internet porn. 
Beckett: Castle ... 

Castle: Would not it be more of a challenge If They Were not standing still? 
Beckett: Okay, Castle. You show me how it's done. [It Change The target] All yours. It's not a duel, Scaramouche. Here. To square off target. Feet shoulder-distance apart. Okay. Gauntlet your right fist in your left palm. 
Castle: Shot too soon. 
Beckett: Yeah, well. You Know, We Could Always just cuddle and Castle. 
Castle: Funny. And a smile! Good. 
Beckett: That's better. 
Castle: You know, I came down to ask you if I Could Take Home Some of Those photos stolen property. 

Beckett: Photos of the jewelery? Why? 
Castle: I do not know, just thought It Might spark something. That's got to hurt. 
Beckett: Tell you what. You could next any of the Three In The 10-ring, and I will you the files. 
Castle: Yeah? 
Beckett: Yeah. [Castle Draw Two ball Right In The 10-Ring] 
Castle: You're a very good teacher. 

Alexis: Dad, it wasn't a date. It Was A study group. 
Castle: Okay, How Many In The Group? 
Alexis: Just the two of us.

Martha: Kind of? You stole the man's Entire Life. And then your father, genius that he is, in the acknowledgments thanked HIM, completely cover blowing history. 

Castle [THEY Heard a noise. Castle look to the door and when he turned Powell has disappeared] : Powell. Powell! 
Beckett: Castle? 
Castle: Hey! What's going on? 

Beckett: There she is. Anna Green, company's director. 
Castle: She Can invade my home anytime. 

Beckett: Ms Green, I'm Detective Beckett, and this is ... 
Green: Ricky? Ricky Castle? Perfectly awful things I've heard about you from my friend Cheney. 

Green: You are not Two ... 
Castle: Not yet. 
Beckett: No. Never. In fact, here is Ricky assisting me with a homicide investigation.

Castle: Hey, you SEEM a little stressed. Hey, you know what you need? A night out on the Town. 
Beckett: A what? [He released Two Tickets from history jacket] What are those? 
Castle: The Gateway to another World. 
Beckett: Castle. 

Lanie [Beckett shows HER dress]: No, no. That One Goes to the thrift store. [She showed him Another] Karma Chameleon! 
Beckett: The girl at Saks is in. Said fluorescent. 
Lanie: Well, Then She Was it commission. [She showed him Another] 
Beckett: Too showgirls? [She throws dresses] You know what he's Trying to do? He wants to humiliate me. [Is sounded at the Door] Lanie, can you get that, please? 
Lanie: All right. But you better not be wearing your prom dress when I get back.

Lanie: Let's find out. [She reads The Card] "Bibbity-bobbity-boo? 
Beckett: Cinderella. It's from HIM. 
Lanie: Oh, please. It's a dress. Now open it up, girlfriend. 
Beckett: I Knew He Was Arrogant, this goal, then this is complete... Wow

Martha: So, where are you guys headed tonight? 
Beckett: We're going to Waldorf. [Castle is disappointed]

Esposito: Man, these guys look guilty of tax evasion, not home invasion. 
Ryan: Yeah, well, appearances can be deceiving.[See they Beckett arrives and Castle] 
Ryan: Nice dress. 
Esposito: Yeah, what of it there is. 
Beckett: I'd let you borrow it, Esposito, goal starched you out the last one. 

Mayor: Ricky! Ricky! Hey! Why did not you tell me you were gonna be at this shindig? I would've given you a ride. 
Castle: Last-minute thing. Listen, Mr. Mayor, I'd like to present to you Detective Kate Beckett. Kate Beckett, You know The Mayor. 
Mayor: So this is Detective Beckett. 
Beckett: It's an honor to meet you, Sir. 
Mayor: Please, call me Bob. Rick, she's even prettier than you said. Excuse me a minute. 
Castle: Of course. [Mayor departures] 
Beckett: You talk about me to Bob? 
Castle: Yeah, we play cards together. Well, that, and you are the subject of my next book. Can I get you a drink? 
Beckett: Yeah, vodka. Lots of vodka. But I'm on duty, so water. 
Castle: Yeah. Vodka. [To server] Could I get very stiff vodka martini two? Do not shake, just swirl around a bit. 

Ruthie: I see you've got a big one on the line. Settle in, Katie. I hear he's a fighter. 
Beckett: Sorry, Castle? 
Ruthie: Most of the girls on the land register to have tried to HIM. Rich and handsome. We call him the white whale.

Beckett: [Castle Takes His arm and start to dance] Castle, What are you doing? 
Castle: Sorry, this is the only place I knew we could not be overheard and talk. 
Beckett: Sure, it is. 

Castle: Still, I think we should take a second look. Two, three, dip. [He Sees Green with Anna Powell] 
Beckett: Castle? A little help. 

Castle [to Powell]: What have you done? 
Martha: Thank you very much ... 
Powell: Just a little payback. 
Martha: ... for that warm welcome. The item is first is a list o Signed first edition of Storm Season, written by, well, by my son. There he is! Wave, darling, so everyone can see you. Is not he handsome? My still-single sound, ladies. so, as a special bonus, the winning bidder will receive enchanting year evening in company history. All right, ladies, that's the best I can do. The rest is up to you. Okay, do we have year opening bid? 
A woman: 2,500! 
Martha: 2,500, beautiful lady in Blue. Thank you so much. 3.000 Do we hear? 3.000? Girls, do not be shy. We have a gentleman bidder. And he isn't attractive? Oh, my goodness! Are not we broad-minded? 
Another Woman: 4,000! 
Martha: There have it. 4,000. All right, ladies. The gauntlet is down. And this is ... 
Powell: Now we're even. 
Castle [to Beckett]: Look, I have money. Anything you pay, I'll pay you back. 
Beckett: Not a chance in hell, Castle. 

Beckett: Paul Reynolds, you're under arrest of theft and one suspicion conspiracy to commit murder. 
Esposito: Let's go. 
Castle: Where Was The badge? 
Beckett: Do not ask. 

Beckett [In car]: Castle, as a friend, I am asking you not to leave this because, because your little act Hardy Boy... 
Castle: Is killed gonna get me, I know. 
Beckett: More like one of get killed, and I cannot have that on my conscience. Understood? 
Castle: What if I have to pee? [She Gives him a cup and she descended from the car]

Castle [Side of Castle. A message on the radio Comes] : This is Detective Castle to all units. That's a negatory on the backup. This dirtbag's all mine.

Suspect [Castle sings in the car when the driving suspect fell to the windshield] : Oh, God! Out of the car! 
Castle: I. .. She Told Me, Actually, I have to stay in the ... 
Suspect: Out of the car now! 
Castle: Okay! Okay, okay! Here I come. No problem.

Castle: I Tried to Stay in the car. I really did ". He lint me in the face, you know. 
Beckett: Yeah, I Saw That. 

Castle: Actually, Mother's game isn't really Texas Hold 'Em. It's strip poker. Keeps things humming along, if you know what I mean.
Martha: Well, franky, I prefer strip because even when you lose, you win. [Beckett, Ryan and  Esposito smile]

Beckett: What about you, Castle ? You're already in for the blind. Not scared of a little action, are you ?
Castle: "Action" is my middle name.
Martha: Don't worry, sweetheart, he's bluffing. Whenever he blinks too much, it means he's got a lousy hand.
[…] A little moment:
Martha: He's not blinking, but now he's tapping, wich means he might have the nuts.
Castle: What's the matter ? You're not afraid of a little action, are you ?
Beckett: All in.

Castle [come back]: Someone say "murder" ? Hold on ! I'll get my coat.
Esposito: Look at him, all excited.
Beckett: Yeah, like a kid at Christmas.
Ryan: With a dead body under the tree.

Beckett: What about tonight ? Anyone strange coming in or going out ? [A transvestite goes]
Transvestite: Hey, Bill.
Goalkeeper: Jasmine. How's it hanging ?
Castle: I think you just described half their clientele.

Ryan: Maybe Castle was right. Maybe this is about sex.
Esposito: The lady was a soccer mom.
Castle: Come by my daughter's school at about 3:30. The place is like happy hour.

Beckett: You know, I feel so stupid. Here I am, looking for evidence, and all I had to do was just make something up. So, this imaginary boyfriend-killer, do you think that he has an imaginary address ?

Beckett: You owe me a rematch.
Castle: Fine. You want to play ? Let's play. How about tomorrow night ?
[…]
Beckett: Your "Gotham City crew" ?
Castle: Yeah. Captain, the mayor, and Judge Markway. You know, your boss, your boss' boss, and the guy that signs your warrants. Or would that make you nervous ? I mean, I wouldn't want to throw your game, but I also don't want you to feel patronized.

Lee: You... Either you tell me who you are right now, or I am calling the cops.
Beckett: I am the cops. My name is Detective Kate Beckett.

Beckett: You know, I would love to, but I have a whole list of writers who are hanging around, looking for favors. So, thank you very much, though, for cooperating. And catch you on the dark side.

Castle: Lee Wax. [He has hit the glass] Beckett ! It was Lee Wax ! Beckett ! Lee Wax. Lee... [Beckett smiles]

Castle: Remind me if I ever decide to write a memoir, to never write a memoir.
Beckett: Okay. Why not ?
Castle: Because memoirs are about truth, and I'm not a very truthful person. It'd be to easy to make myself look good.
Beckett: Might be harder than you think.

Beckett: Yeah, well, you might want to think up some chips for the pot, 'cause it looks like it's just you and me.
Castle: All right, Detective Beckett. I'm all in. Oh, what's the matter ? You afraid of a little action ?
Markway: Do us a favor, Detective. Beat his pants off.
Castle: Yes, please. Beat my pants off, if you dare.
Montgomery: Beckett, do me proud.
Markway: To hell with "proud." Make him cry like a little girl.

Castle [keeping his chips]: Who's a good little boy ? Who's a good little boy ? You are, and you, and you are !

Beckett: Lititz, Pennsylvania.
Castle: If we're gonna road-trip, I'm gonna have to pee first.

Castle: Next time, I guess I'll just try that massage parlor on 2nd Avenue. Just kidding. Actually, who needs a happy ending, when you have a story with people pretending to be dead, living under assumed names, plotting fake suicides, and murder for revenge ?

Castle: Wow. You are all about the cloud, aren't you . Never the silver lining. Okay, maybe this might cheer you up a little bit. [He pulls out a wad of cash] Your winnings.
[…]
Castle: Now we're even. [He pulls out a deck of cards] So what do you say to a little showdown ? Head-to-head. Toe-to-toe. Winner take all, mano a mujer.
Beckett: "Hand to woman" ?
Castle: Whatever it takes.
Beckett: You're on.
Castle: No mercy.
Beckett: I'm gonna make you hurt.
Castle: Oh, you're gonna get hurt.

Castle: I'm comfy, so long as my cards come from the top of the deck.
Beckett: What you got up your sleeves ?
Castle: Aside from my muscular arms ?

Kate: It’s Sunday morning. Shouldn’t you be slinking home from a scandalous liaison?
Castle: Would you be jealous if I were?
Kate: In your dreams.
Castle: Actually, in my dreams, you’re never jealous. In my dreams, you just join…[Becket cuts Castle sentence by putting her claw in his mouth]

Castle: ‘Cause somebody’s dead doesn’t mean you have to be grumpy.
Kate: Do you want to see grumpy? How about the cover art for your new novel?
Castle: Nikki Heat cover art? That’s only available to… Oh my God, you subscribed to my Web site? Wait a minute, are you CastleFreak1212? CastleLover45?

Castle: Then why call me?
Montgomery: ‘Cause I like pissing off the FBI. And because you think outside the box. That’s something the Feds rarely do.

[Police station’s lift: Beckett and Castle]
Kate: Six months.
Castle: Six months what?
Kate: We dated for six months.
Castle: I didn’t ask.
Kate: Yeah, I know. You were not asking very loudly.
Castle: I know, I’m like a Jedi like that.

Castle [looking the Ryan’s blue tie]: Whoa! Sorry. Sorry about that. That tie took me a little by surprise. [Beckett and Esposito laughing]

Sorenson: Kate. I don’t care how big a fan of his you are. He doesn’t come in the room.
Castle: Fine. That’s fine. Just for the record, though, how big a fan is she?
Ryan: Come on, Castle. Come watch from the bleachers with us. See how the Feebees do it.

Sorenson: A couple dozen bestsellers doesn’t make you a criminologist.
Castle: I also don’t need a weatherman to tell me that the sky is blue.
Kate: For God sakes, why don’t you both just drop your pants and get it over with?
Castle: I’m game.

Castle [to Martha]: How is it that you don’t know who my father is, you don’t know how your ex-husband stole all your money, yet you are giving life coaching advice?

[Alexis comes, Castle takes her in his arms]
Alexis: What was that for?
Castle: Just a peapod thing. Gram will explain.

Kate: Will, I… [Sorenson kiss Beckett and Castle comes]
Castle: Oh! I thought cops and feds hated each other. They say justice never sleeps. I think I know why.

Ryan [in the Juan’s car]: Can you believe this? Dude details cars for a living. You’d think he’d have a little more pride in his ride.

Kate: Okay, so this is usually the part where I ask if you’ve thought this through, and then I remembered you don’t think things through.
Castle [to a girl from FBI]: Cold hands, cold hands.
Kate: These people are dangerous, Castle. You need to stay alert and focused.
Castle: Alert and focused, got it. [to a girl from FBI] Maybe if… Maybe if you just rubbed them together for a second. [to Beckett] Wait, wait. Alert and what? I’m just kidding.

Castle: Do I detect actual concern for my well-being?
Kate: Screw this up, and I’ll kill you.
Castle: That’s more like it.

Castle: Okay, I have eyes on the target. Over. Are you reading me?
Kate: We don’t have to read you. We can see you. Now shut up and focus.
Castle: Roger that. Five by five.
Sorenson: He’s quite a guy. If he only knew how big a fan you really are.
Kate: Yeah, well, he’s not going to know.
Sorenson: You never told him how you stood in line for an hour just to get your book signed… How his novels got you through your mother’s death?

Beckett: [receive a SMS] "Do you kissing ?" ?!
Sorenson: Tell him to stop fooling around.

Castle: Okay… It says, “cross the street, and head west on East 47th.” That’s left, right?
Kate: Right.
Castle: Right, right? Or right, left?
Kate/Sorenson: Left.

Alexis: So why are you up?
Castle: Looking for a white rabbit.
Alexis: Lewis Carroll or “The Matrix”?
Castle: I’m not sure yet.
Alexis: What did Beckett tell you about taking phone photos at the crime scene?
Castle: I don’t know. I wasn’t listening. See all those stuffed animals on the bed?

Castle: If by remember when, you mean “Monkey-Bonkey” who has been washed so many times he looks like roadkill now, then yes.
Alexis: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Castle: Oh, then you won’t mind next time I see him if I throw him out.
Alexis [takes his ear]: Don’t you dare!

[In night, in Angela’s room, Kate sleeping and Castle search with a little lamp]
Kate: Castle?
Castle: Go back to sleep.

Castle [about Sorenson]: Nice guy. I can see how it wouldn’t work, though.
Kate: Really?
Castle: Sure. Handsome, square-Jawed, by-the-Book…
Kate: And that’s a bad thing?
Castle: Yeah, he’s like the male you. Yin needs yang, not another yin. “Yin-Yang” is harmony. “Yin-Yin” is… A name for a panda.

Castle: A date? You date? Who?
Kate: That’s why it’s called a “private life,” because it’s private. Unlike you, I don’t live my life on “page six.”
Castle: Well, you’re a mysterious woman, detective Beckett.
Kate: Maybe there’s a little more Nikki Heat in me than you think. [she leaves with a smile]

[Castle's Loft : Castle & Doctor Murray]
Murray : A stabbing, Rick? Isn't that a little pedestrian for you? Usually when you call me, it's to ask what happens if you put a head in a microwave.

Castle : Must you always eavesdrop?
Martha : I wasn't eavesdropping. I happened to walk by your office door. I live here, too, you know.

Castle : If I say yes, will you promise to stay up past your bedtime, have a good time?
Alexis : Yes! [She answers a little too enthusiastically.]
Castle : Not... Not too good a time.
Alexis : Dad, all we've done is hold hands.
Castle : Ew. Okay, Please. Don't need details.

Beckett : I'm not running a background check on your daughter's date.
Castle : Oh, come on. She says he's quiet. He keeps to himself and he lives with his parents. Tell me that doesn't sound like a serial killer to you.

Castle : Well, maybe he had secrets even his fiancée didn't know about. Like, maybe he secretly made a living out of using his surgeon's skills to harvest organs off of tourists for the black market organ trade. Whoa, that was a good one. I'm writing that down. [Beckett and Esposito exchange a look and Esposito shakes his head]
Beckett : So, instead of making up stories, we are going to establish a timeline. When did he get his first ticket?

Castle : Hey, can I ask you something?
Beckett : Since when do you ask permission to ask questions?

Beckett : Well, this must be the place. [Castle is distracted by the blonde. Beckett clears her throat]
Castle : Hmm? 
Beckett : What is it with men and boobs, anyway?
Castle : Biological. We can't help it.
Beckett : But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?
Castle : Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents.

Montgomery [stares at the photo of Jacey Goldberg on the murder board and shudders] : At the very least, she should be arrested for violating the laws of nature.

Castle : Mentally unstable plastic surgery chick. That is way better than harvesting organs.

Montgomery : So, where was she ?
Beckett : She was... in the hospital.
Montgomery : Getting more surgery ?
Beckett : Yep.
Montgomery : What's she got left to operate on ? [Beckett clears her throat] Oh, no.
Beckett : Oh, yes.
Montgomery : Seriously ? What could they possibly do down there ?
Beckett : Well, apparently, quite a lot.

Martha : Oh, news flash. She already has body image issues. It's an intrinsic part of being a woman. Every woman in the world has some part of herself that she absolutely hates. Her hands are too small, her feet are too big, her hair's too straight, too curly. Her ears stick out, her... Oh, God, her butt's too flat, her nose is too big. And you know, nothing you can say will change how we feel. What men don't understand is, the right clothes, the right shoes, the right makeup just... It hides the flaws we think we have. They make us look beautiful to ourselves. That's what makes us look beautiful to others.

Castle : Well, that was your first mistake. You want to find someone at a hospital who had a treatment there, there's only one department to go to where nothing ever falls through the cracks. [They shoot him a confused look] Billing. Someone had to pay for it, right ?

Castle : You know, the time-honored hazing that goes on in those few moments we share, where he and I are alone, just before my daughter descends the stairs.
Castle : What'd he do ?
Ryan : Checked my wallet for condoms, showed me his gun collection. My hands were shaking so bad, I could barely put on the corsage.
Castle : What'd your dad do ?
Beckett : I... I don't know. I was in my room.
Castle : How was your date when you finally came out ?
Beckett : You know, actually, now that you mention it, he looked terrified. And this whole time, I thought he was scared of me.

Ryan : Ask "Hard Candy" ? Good luck.
Castle : "Hard... hard Candy" ?
Esposito : Assistant U.S. Attorney Candace Robinson. She makes mobsters cry

[In a bar : Castle & Sal]
Castle : Whoa, whoa. Whoa, I'm a friend. I'm a friend.
Heavy : Sal ? [Sal stares at Castle, but there's no recognition on his face]
Sal : Take him out back. Kill him. [The Heavy grabs Castle, powering him toward the back of the bar]
[…] 
Castle : Not funny, Sal. 
Sal : No, you're right. No. It wasn't funny. It was friggin' hilarious. Richard friggin' Castle. Master of the Macabre. What brings you down off your cloud of money ?

Castle : What makes you think your friend "Hard Candy" is going to cooperate with you now ?
Beckett : You have your sources, I have mine.
Castle : Oh, it's not your ex-boyfriend, is it ? Mr. FBI ? Tall, brooding, and judgmental ? 
Beckett : Why, yes, in fact, it is ? Is that a problem ?
Castle : No, not for me. But, then again, I'm not the one he's trying to get back together with.

Castle [whisper ; to the severed head] : This is it. Don't be nervous.
Alexis : Dad ! No ! No severed heads. [She comes rushing down the stairs in her prom dress, looking beautiful. Castle cringes. He's been caught]
Castle : That's... I... It's time-honored...

Castle : What ? Whoa, whoa ! Wait, wait, wait. Whoa, whoa ! That's it ? I don't even get a chance to ask him if he's killed a man ?
Alexis : Dad, he hasn't. But I might.
Castle : Alright. Get out of here. Don't do anything I would do.

Castle : Have fun ! Bye ! [Martha closes the door behind them] My little girl, she's all grown up.
Martha : Yeah. Well, at least one of you is. A severed head ?

Sorenson [about Castle]: Want me to watch the monkey ?
Beckett : That's okay. "Monkey" comes with me.

Castle : How was Owen ? Don't worry. I closed my eyes for the kissing part.

Castle : In a couple of years, you're gonna go off to college. You're gonna get married. You're gonna have kids. And I'm only gonna see you on holidays. Until some gold-digger steals all my money, but then I get to move in with you.
Alexis : Wow. I feel like I just lost thirty years of my life.

Sorenson [Castle knock on the door] : It's the writer monkey. What is he still doing here? Haven't you finished your book yet ?
Castle : Last chapter.